story publication

I recently received notification from the Editors at City Lit Journal, a short story and poetry magazine, that one of my submitted stories received a nod for publication pending several suggested edits.

I looked over the editor's edits and made the minor corrections they requested. They also mentioned that the "narrator's purpose is a bit too heavy handed" and thought the twist in the story could be "more subtle when the person on the bike is not telling the story." I read this several times before I realized that the editors wanted something that was less "punchy".

My story, about a bike accident, begins in 2nd person point of view before switching to first person for the story twist. That's my catch, my one-two punch, the "hinge". I'd rather not give away anymore of the story until it's actually published but I asked several people for their respected opinions on what could or could not be changed.

Thoughts about what to do swirled in my mind. I could change the 2nd person point of view to 3rd person, completely detaching the reader and narrator from the action (i.e. bike accident) before switching to 2nd person (i.e. driver reaction). Or start with 1st person (i.e. the narrator as the cyclist) and switching to 3rd person for the driver or remaining in 1st person, now as the driver. There's a number of ways I can change this but the impact in the 3rd half of the story won't carry as much weight if the narrator doesn't tell the reader that he/she is the driver and not the cyclist.

I want the story to send a message to the reader that you can be the cyclist but you can also be the driver who hit the cyclist. Victim vs. Perpetrator. Carefree vs. Impatient. It can go both ways.

I decided not to change the main story line nor the view points. Everyone has their opinions however subjective and I know I won't be able to please everyone. I've made a couple changes regarding the cyclist and left the rest as is.

We'll see what the editors have to say.