sign me up!

So, this is where all the hot men are..

Dating Montage
by smithy00101

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A friend of mine invited me to this event but he's not attending because he's not even in the state of CA, but thinks I should go so I would shut up about my non-existent dating life.

Almost as hilarious as the video, following is the invitation with my comments in bold:

Are those old, tired ass lines pickup lines never worked on me from The Game no longer getting you fresh meat or veggies? Your furry hat and ridiculous neck tattoo no longer making the grade as you peacock your way around San Francisco looking for True Love? Does a see through top and mini skirt count as peacocking?

Is every bar seat at your local watering hole occupied by some shameful and regretful drunken make out session, forcing you to drink at home alone until you black out watching your crappy Netflix movies? Yes and Yes

All your friends are married, engaged, with child, old, boring, lame, generally uninterested or have given up on the idea of sex? It's called "Dry Spell"

Have you given up on Match.com? Only when my subscription expired Don’t have the attention span to fill out your profile for eHarmony? Been there, done that Casual Encounters on Craigslist left you afraid and shivering in a corner? The photos did Do you just want to HOOK UP WITH SOME HOT PIECE OF ASS? Yes, please

Well, we’re tired of hearing you guys bitch about getting no ass and not doing a damn thing about it. I'm trying but they leave the country..wait, what does that say about me? We are here to give you a reason to get on the pill again! (or at least a reason to buy some decent condoms well stocked with the Kirkland brand that are not free on the streets of the Castro.)

Here’s the scoop – you’re single. You invite ANOTHER single friend those are few and far between(any sex, any orientation but preferably interesting, friendly, and not insane). Arrive at House of Shields, pick up your complimentary drink free booze! and mingle with other singles that are six degrees apart from you.

You wonder why those ugly people are in a relationship? BECAUSE THEY TRIED OUR TIME-HONORED METHODS. Now you can too -- Either HOOK UP OR GO HOME!

there are alternatives to what I want and patience is not one of them

Nearly two months have passed since my little hiccup/drunk/empty stomach/falling face first on concrete accident. Okay, more like six weeks and that huge, dime sized scar below my eye has not faded away yet. Every other person who's never attended medical school tells me that it's still healing because it's a bruise or whatever. I don't believe them.

I visited my dermatologist that I haven't seen since 2006 for a medical opinion. She gave me the same prognosis. It's still healing and there's swelling and looks like a bruise but will eventually fade. blah blah. When will it fade? Six months to a year. NOOO! Unacceptable. She would not even sell me any bleaching cream. So, I went to a beauty spa the following week which surprisingly was SPA WEEK! What timing! Discounts abound! I went crazy and signed up for laser hair removal also.

An hour later, I got my Obagi cream and went around telling my friends what I acquired to their harsh disapproval. I'm prone to have skin allergies from certain soaps, perfumes and a particular hairy ex-boyfriend so I thought I'd be careful with bleaching cream and do a tester on a year old shoulder scar.

I read the reviews on Obagi and it's one of the most popular hydroquinine creams out there to fade scars and tone skin with a 90% success rate. The other 10% suffered from skin rashes or scars that darkened.

I'm only on the second day of bleaching cream usage and I think I've got a slight rash on my shoulder. Damn. I might be in the 10% group. It's possible that the rash is from my bra strap so I'll wait a day or two to see if it goes away. If not, that's $90 of hope down the tube.